I Hate My Therapist

     "It does not rain forever." My therapist said this the first time I met him. At the time, I thought he was a fucking genius. He made me feel like my anxiety and depression were normal (relatively speaking) and could easily be fixed; yay! He put me on medication and told me to get out more, since most of my anxiety is because of social interaction. After a couple months though, I slowly started to realize he was a dick.

    Eight months later, here I am. Depressed and anxious 24/7. Most people assume depression or anxiety isn't a real illness or disease, they assume it's kind of like the a headache you get when you don't sleep enough; "just get enough sleep and your headache will go away, duh!"

     Well, if life was like that I wouldn't need therapy. Or a klonopin every time someone stares at me for too long. My sessions started going from "How have you been? Let's fix that" to "Oh, you're not suicidal, excellent!" I would tell him how terrible my week was or how depressed I felt, and he pretty much just patted me on the back and told me to keep my chin up. Thanks. 

     I decided that maybe I didn't need my medication and I was just getting worse because I assumed it was supposed to fix me. That mixed with the fact that I couldn't keep a job because of my anxiety and depression, I was unable to afford therapy or medication. Unfortunately, the next 3 weeks were terrible. I was going through withdrawals, being extremely moody and pretty rude. I drank a little more than I usually do and spent way too much money.  

     So, even though I hate my therapist, I'm going back to see him tomorrow. Hopefully he can at least put me back on my medication so I can at least have time to look for another one. But on that note, why is it so freaking expensive to get help? I'm mentally unstable, so charging me $300 to talk to someone probably isn't a good idea. Whatever. At least I have a second interview for a Salon Coordinator tomorrow which should go well. They are super open to piercings and tattoos, so I don't have to worry about hiding who I am...woo hoo! 

     Hopefully tomorrow is a good day.